It’s February 3rd. The first month of 2016 flew by! How have the first 33 days of the year treated you? Have you made any changes? Do you feel any different?
I’m big on resolutions - but not the kind that are based from desire to be something different. Rather, I prefer to set goals that I can work toward throughout the year, that deliver gradual results over time rather than get me to some distant end-point in an unforeseeable future. That’s why I think resolutions like “eat less junk food” or “run 5x a week” usually fail - they’re complete lifestyle changes that don’t really deliver measurable results, except a consistent dread of actually engaging in your resolution.
Resolutions shouldn’t feel like that; instead, they should make you excited and like you’re on the path aligned with the greatest version of yourself.
In 2014, I resolved to take 12 trips over 12 months.. Not only did I do it, but I actually surpassed my goal, hitting 17 that year.
- January 2014: Weekend trip to Kalamazoo, Michigan
- February 2014: Spur-of-the-moment, middle-of-the-night trip through Indiana and Kentucky to Nashville, Tennessee (funny how life works. Here we are, two years later.)
- March 2014: Dubuque, Iowa
- April 2014: Los Angeles, California, to visit an old friend
- May 2014: San Diego, California
- June 2014: San Diego, California
- July 2014: Hopped on the second leg of Vans Warped Tour:
- New York, New York
- Wantagh, New York
- Hartford, Connecticut
- Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
- Detroit, Michigan
- Minneapolis, Minnesota
- August 2014:
- Milwaukee, Wisconsin
- Laramie, Wyoming
- Salt Lake City, Utah
- Denver, Colorado
- September 2014:
- Portland, Oregon
- October 2014:
- Grand Rapids, Michigan
- Baton Rouge/New Orleans, Louisiana
- November 2014:
- Milwaukee, Wisconsin
I don’t know how this happened, but I do know that when you decide to do something, the entire universe conspires to make it happen.
In 2015, I simply decided I’d move out of state. I’d wanted to try a new city for almost five years, but had lacked the courage to actually go through with it. I had no idea how or with whom I’d move, just that I was going to. I had to.
And, as I said, the entire universe conspired to make it happen. The year started off slow enough - I had just put out my eBook, Sisters, Strangers and Slaughter, in December of 2014 and was taking the first few months of 2015 off work. I’d left my job at the end of 2014 in a huff and had no immediate desire to reenter the workforce, and my book royalties allowed me a slight comfort, albeit a limited one. I spent the majority of January in a state of confusion, and then decided that February would be productive, and got to work on my second book, a collection of twelve short and self-depreciating but funny stories about growing up in a middle-class family on the southside of Chicago. (It’s still not finished.) I was going to the library a lot to work, and it was there that I met a person who had a profound impact on my life.
I believe everyone we encounter, however briefly, has a lesson to teach us. Vibing with someone feels good and it lets us know we’re on the right path. Some teachers are more evident than others - for me, this one hit me like a ton of bricks. I called him LG, and when I told him I’d given him that nickname, he smiled and said, “yeah, life’s good.” He introduced me to the concepts of living in accordance with your highest self and teachers like Ralph Smart and Wayne Dyer. I spent a good month with him, learning and breaking through old habits and patterns I hadn’t recognized before, and then whatever we had dissipated as fast as it started. I didn’t realize it then, but the perspective I developed during that period of my life was something I’d hold onto long after the period ended.
In March 2015, I was recruited to help open a bar/restaurant across the street from Wrigley Field. I hadn’t planned on getting back into tending bar, but the promise of the money that would come with a Cubs season in such close proximity to the field lured me in. We opened the place on April 5, opening day, and the summer flew by with a rush of sweat, beer and more money than I knew what to do with (and, okay, a couple parking tickets.)
In June, I took a short road trip. The first stop was Nashville, where I stayed with an acquaintence from Warped Tour. We played the ukulele and guitar, got drunk in his kitchen and talked about the concept of sustainable food production. He got excited and led me to his backyard, where he showed me sprawling beds of every crop imaginable and his chicken coop. That night, as midnight came and went, I was standing in the yard marveling at the abundance of nature with a live hen in one hand and a Guinness in the other. He then gave me one of his plants in a small container and said “this should do well inside - here, take it.” I still have it on the curio cabinet in my bedroom.
After I left Nashville, I headed for Atlanta, where I stayed for a night before setting off for Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. I stayed in a hotel on the beach for two days and walked the boardwalk endlessly, but my mind was still on Nashville. Something was stirring in me, and as I went to sleep with the door open on that second night, I made the decision to move.
After checking out of my hotel, I loaded the car and set off for Charleston, West Virginia. Sometime during the drive, I texted my friend (now roommate), Megan, something like: “hey, if you’re still down to move to Nashville, let me know.”
She’d mentioned earlier that year that she wanted to move, but a lot of people say a lot of things without ever making a move toward actually doing them - so I didn’t expect it to pan out. The night I got back from my roadtrip, though, I went with her to see The Menzingers at The Abbey, and we talked a little bit about potentially moving.
“I’m like 80% sure at this point,” she said.
“I’m down,” I said again. “Just let me know. If we do move, I want chickens.”
(I still don’t have chickens, but maybe in time.)
The next two months flew by. Everyone was talking about how well the Cubs were doing - which meant they’d made the playoffs - which meant more money in my pocket thanks to an extended season. In August, Megan and I went to scope out some houses in East Nashville, where we wanted to live. We found our house on Labor Day and signed a lease set to start on October 1st.
On Oct. 21, the Cubs lost their fourth game to the Mets in the postseason series and were eliminated from the playoffs. I left work that night and drove through the empty streets of Wrigleyville, looking around with what seemed like new eyes. It was the last time I’d experience the area as an active participant in it; even though it had existed before me and would continue to exist after I left, for that period, it was mine.
It took three trips to and from Nashville to get my things there. On the first night, I slept on the floor on a Mexican blanket I purchased from a gas station in Indiana for $6. I lit a candle and read some of Thoreau’s Walden & Civil Disobedience, before falling into a half-sleep state and waking only hours later to the sun. I went out the next day and bought a new bed. After it was delivered, I headed back to Illinois.
I’m now entering my fourth month of living here, and I’m only starting to reflect on all of the things that had to come together for me to end up right here, right now. Deepak Chopra said it nicely with the following:
“There are no extra pieces in the universe. Everyone is here because he or she has a place to fill, and every piece must fit itself into the big jigsaw puzzle.“
I believe that to be true.
So I did it - I fulfilled my 2015 “resolution” to move to another state. All the pieces came together as they needed to because the universe conspires to provide whatever you choose.
Keep in mind that there’s a difference between “choosing” and “desiring,” though, and the results of each are often quite different.
So that brings me to 2016. This year, I’ve decided to resolve to do smaller things that ultimately impact the whole of myself. Each month, I’ll be embarking on a mini-resolution intended to change my thoughts and behaviors to better align the person I am with the person I choose to be. Of course, there is an overarching theme (or, big goal) that each of these mini-resolutions fall under, but I’m keeping that resolution private until the end of the year. For now, I’m happy knowing it’s at least in the works.
So, for January, I did an experiment: no alcohol consumption for the entirety of the month. Prior to beginning my month of sobriety, I was a moderate drinker, having about 5-7 drinks per week. I’ve also been in the bar industry for six years, and haven’t gone more than a week without drinking since I turned twenty-one. This, then, was a huge change and challenge for me.
So how’d it go?
January 1st and 2nd were easy - I went on two hikes to bring in the year, and the fresh air and exercise felt good in combination with abstaining from alcohol. Someone from home was visiting, so it was a bit difficult to say no to drinks when we went down to Broadway to watch bands, but I substituted water and felt at least like I was somewhat comfortable.
I still went out. Megan also wasn’t drinking, so it helped to have someone else around who was sober. I realized the social aspect of drinking is the reason I most commonly engage in it - not particularly because I want a drink, but because I don’t want to be alone. In large cities, it’s easy to find something to do other than going to a bar, but here, most coffee shops close around 6 P.M., and unless someone is willing to have you over (or you’re willing to host), your options are very, very limited.
Also, on one particular Monday after work, I really, really wanted a margarita. I settled for tea instead.
And then I drank tea the next night, and the next. Now, it’s a habit in itself.
But at the end of the second week, I started to notice a difference in the way I felt.
I went to bed early and got up early. My sleep pattern changed, and I woke up with more energy than I can ever remember having. I also had a lot of free time that I had previously spent either in bars or slightly intoxicated, which basically means I wasn’t being productive.
Physically, I noticed a difference as well. I was able to increase my running speed and endurance, and though I didn’t lose much weight, I was able to increase my time at the gym because I felt so much better and gain muscle instead.
It truly was a great month, and I’m appreciative of the perspective it provided in terms of learning that consumption of as much alcohol as I was drinking (though it may not even be considered that much to some) really affected me from a mental and physical standpoint.
I had a glass of red wine on February 1, 2016, and felt the effects of the alcohol almost immediately. I woke up the next morning more tired than I’ve been since the first week of sobriety. I also noticed a slight headache throughout the day. But I had a hell of a lot of fun when I was drinking it - more social, a little lighter.
So moving away from this, I think drinking something I’m going to reserve for special occasions. I’m not anti-alcohol; I’m just more aware of how the substances I put into my body affect the way I feel.
If you’re curious, just try it for yourself, even for a week. Even if you don’t think you’re a heavy drinker, you will crave alcohol, but when you push through that, you’ll realize how good you feel without it.
So Sober January was a thing. Now that it’s February, where does that leave me? With another goal, of course.
For the duration of this month I’ll be keeping a daily journal of things I’m grateful for and reflecting on how my life is improved by recognizing the good qualities in everything that happens - even things that are seemingly unfortunate. My belief is that no experience is inherently “bad” no matter how hurtful it feels. So, with this experiment, my guess is that by the end of the month I’ll be able to better reflect on how having a balanced, grateful mindset allows for a more peaceful life, which is what we all ultimately want.
That said, I’m calling it Gratitude February. I’ll post and analyze my thoughts on the process and outcome at the start of next month.
I hope you’ve all enjoyed the start to 2016, and encourage you to develop an idea of things you’d like to do for yourselves each month this year as well. 30 days is an easy commitment, and you can start whenever you’d like. Develop an idea for something you’d like to change, or a habit you’d like to develop, and start tomorrow - remember that it doesn’t have to be the first of the month (or the year!) to begin living in alignment with the highest version of yourself.
Feel free to leave me comments with any questions or ideas you have for a 30 day challenge!
