Gratitude February (End of Month 2) // Getting Better at Being Alive

February seemed to fly by in a hurry. I can't believe March is already here and spring's just around the corner. It seems like yesterday that I was waking up on New Year's Day to go hiking.

At the end of my last post about my experience maintaining a Sober January, I talked briefly about how I planned to go into the month of February with a mindset of appreciation, nicknaming the month Gratitude February. It passed in a similar kind of time-lapse as Sober January, in which the first few days seemed almost stagnant until the habit came into form, and then became almost second nature.

I decided to implement gratitude into my daily practices last month because I felt like I was getting so caught up in my day-to-day existence moving toward something that I forgot how to say "thank you" for the things I already have and am.

Part of the reasoning in my decision to practice gratitude throughout the month, rather than choosing to participate in a different 30 (or, in this case, 29) day challenge is that the importance of appreciation has been a reoccurring lesson in my life. Also, I've been incredibly fortunate to meet some really amazing and successful people throughout my life, and a common thread among them, when asked about their successes, is that they practice gratitude on a regular basis. 

Being appreciative for what you have and are is an incredibly freeing and important practice in fostering a healthy mindset. How many times have you woken up on the wrong side of the bed and gone on to have a terrible day, because you're stuck dwelling on what's wrong? Think about that on the opposite end of the spectrum. What would happen if you woke up and said "thank you" for the day ahead? And at night, instead of thinking about all the stresses the day brought, what does it feel like to be appreciative of the things that went right, even if not according to plan?

That's what I wanted to find out.

It seems really simple, and it started off as such. I kept a journal for the first few days, detailing my experiences each day in an attempt to highlight the good and the lessons in them, and then meditating/thinking about an appreciation for them.

On February 1st, then, it seemed appropriate to make the following statement:

I am grateful for my growth so far, and my ability to periodically examine my behavior and adjust in accordance with my highest good.

I felt good about that statement. It seemed like an efficient mindset to have going into a month of gratefulness.

Everything was going according to plan. I was chugging along every day, making notes in my journal and remembering to say "thank you" throughout the day, and then, about a week into the month, I got my feelings hurt.

I think I'm pretty resilient when it comes to people saying and doing things that aren't very nice. Usually it's easy for me to brush something off, because one of the tenants that I hold very close is something that Wayne Dyer, one of my favorite speakers, said:

How people treat you is their karma. How you react is yours.

So, since I keep this quote in the back of my mind, going about social relationships is usually pretty easy, because it removes the air of seriousness out of most things. That's a double-edged sword, I guess, because it can be a blurry line between carefree and jaded. 

Still, I tend to think of myself as carefree when it comes to relationships, whether it be platonic or otherwise. But in early February, I got hit out of nowhere, which, admittedly, hadn't happened in at least a few years. I was moving along all excited about someone, too preoccupied to notice that a bus was headed for me at like eighty miles an hour, and then bam. It felt like a ton of bricks to the chest. It sucked.

I whined about it a lot. It was easy to complain because it's always easy to complain when something goes wrong. I spent a lot of time alone in my car thinking about what would've/could've been if I'd just done x or y differently. Still, though, I was committed to maintaining a month of gratitude, so every day I kept making notes in my journal about the things I had to say "thank you" for... even if, when I first sat down to do it, I didn't feel very appreciative of anything. 

It's easy to get caught in that mindset, especially when things are happening that are seemingly out of your control. But there's a silver lining and finding it just depends on changing your perspective.

Last February, my good friend Jim passed away. He'd been terminally diagnosed seven months earlier, and though I saw him almost every day for over a year prior to his passing, he didn't tell me (or anyone else, for that matter.) It was only after his death that I found out he'd known, and it shocked me. He lived with such vigor and enthusiasm for the finer things in life (beer, whiskey, Spanish girls) that you wouldn't have guessed anything was wrong. He laughed a lot. He complimented people, even when I thought they were shitty. He told bad jokes, and then retold them. He spent too money on Johnny Cash on the jukebox, and then insisted on dancing as it played, and he didn't care who was laughing at him. Looking back on all of his positivity despite his diagnosis seems miraculous. He didn't just wake up on the right side of the bed. He lived on it.

So I spent a lot of February remembering Jim, too, and at first it seemed a parallel thread to the practice of gratitude in my daily life. The older I get, though, the more I realize that there are rarely (if ever) occurrences/experiences that are independent of another occurrence/experience. Life has a flow to it, and everything is connected.

I don't think it's a coincidence that the anniversary of Jim's death fell in the same month as my gratitude practice, because the more I thought about it, the more I realized that Jim had been my greatest teacher of wholehearted appreciation. He truly lived that saying:

It's the little things in life.

 So, when I thought about him and the way he went about his final months, I was able to put my mindset into perspective. I still felt a little bummed about the person who'd run me over, but with some consideration, the vehicle seemed less like a bus and more like a compact car. A Fiat, perhaps.

In choosing to see the silver lining like Jim, I wrote things like:

I feel grateful to have a friend who lets me vent and who is just generally there for me.

and:

Today I am grateful for the lesson of inner strength through experience, regardless of how unpleasant or harrowing the experience seems. I am grateful that time and perspective has allowed me to stay soft, choosing love instead of fear.

 and:

 Today I am grateful for every moment that has led me o this moment right here, right now. I am grateful for what is yet to come.

In writing those things, as the month went on, the Fiat that hit me seemed less like a compact car and more like a bicycle.

And now it just seems like a stone. There's a bruise, sure, but it's not going to leave a mark - just a memory of that time some asshole and threw a rock at me, but I forgave him anyway.

I believe I would've come to the same conclusions about the gratitude if I hadn't done a month of practice. All roads lead to the same place, but I'm grateful that I chose this experience now because it's done a lot to lift off some heavy weight from my shoulders. It's made me feel lighter, and removed some of the seriousness of things that occasionally go wrong.

The most rewarding result, though, is that I've noticed a shift in my own mindset. Prior to this month, I felt deprived in certain areas, but after saying "thank you" as often as I could throughout February, I feel that I've shifted into a state of abundance. I feel like I have more than enough of everything.

And I'm grateful for it. I highly, highly encourage all of you to try this for yourselves. Keeping a journal worked for me, but even setting a reminder in your phone for the same time every day can be an efficient way to remember to practice appreciation at least once every 24 hours. Watch how your life changes before your eyes.


I'm nicknaming March The Minimalist Month, because I plan to downsize the number of things I own. I feel like this practice will be freeing and positive in a different way - I'm hoping that by decluttering my physical space, I'll be decluttering my mind, too. Look for that post at the start of April.

Have a good month! :)