Recipe: Vegan Banana Chocolate "Ice Cream"

Dairy is a real bummer because:

a) It's a fattening agent for baby cows and YOU ARE A HUMAN, not a cute lil' calf,
b) Our society raises us on it so we think it's normal to drink the breast milk from a COW, and
c) It's full of sugar and forces your pancreas to go into overdrive, which means insulin is invading your bloodstream and tissues (see: weight gain. see: diabetes. see: wacky metabolism.)

And, okay, I sound like a real debbie downer because uhhh hello ice cream parties and bad breakups and whatever else we are conditioned to believe that eating processed and frozen corn syrup is NORMAL. Ugh. Whatever - don't get me started on social norms.

So what do we doooooo, party pooper Ashlee?

Say hello to my little friend, the banana.

BORING, you scream! We don't want your bananas!

Yeah, you do. Especially when the banana fell behind your coffee pot and is now overripe and brown and questionable. Cut that guy up and throw him in tupperware in your freezer. (Because you don't really still use plastic bags, do you?)

Let that sit for, like, two hours or twenty-four, but at least two. Grab some raw cocoa powder (the kind you use for baking works) and put a tablespoon with the frozen banana in a food processor or blender. Turn it ON.

Top with peanuts or some sea salt. It's seriously so good you'll probably die. Death by bananas.

Now when you've got a sweet tooth or when your faaaaavorite Tinder match doesn't text you after your date, you can still have the comfort of ice cream without all the bullshit that's in that tub of Ben & Jerry's.

Get creative! Dried fruits or chunks of vegan cookies are good folded in, or use it to top a vegan brownie. Oh my god, I'm a genius.

But if you stick with the simple banana & cocoa powder, you're looking at a low 100 calories. And they're calories you can use because, hello, mister fiber.

Now go, live in frozen banana heaven.

You can thank me later.